Tastes like ass?

Acid, not ass.

Coke is the best?

Nah.

Na-na-na-na-na-na.

For both Coke and Pepsi, I'm very much not into the sugared variants.

They're both very blah.

But, uh, aspartame-wise, Zero is tolerable.

Pepsi is better.

That's just how it goes.